gallery Love Lost

Almost a year ago I wrote this in anticipation of the final days with our sweet girl Emmy. I would not have guessed then that her devotion to us and the good life would carry her  for another 11 1/2 months! But then again, she was the best dog ever.

Today I sit alone in my home office, a bit of chill outside my windows, all the sights and sounds 1457483601159.jpgalerting me of the coming holiday season. The fireplace warms the room and soothing zen music balloons in the air. Here is where Emmy would no doubt be on a morning like this following a yummy breakfast of home cooked chicken and tapioca in broth with a low protein treat hidden within. She loved the sounds of babbling creeks and chirping birds accompanied by quirky chiming instruments lulling her to sleep by the hearth. Although her hearing was declining I still am convinced these things cradled and nourished her aching joints just a bit. She was a good sleeper!

With the coming holiday season we begin our year of firsts. Her kids have not walked through these doors to an animal free zone, not in 17 years. They will find it strange I know. I did. Immediately following Emmy’s passing I was swept away with my girlfriends to an annual lake retreat, one I debated attending. Glad that I did because girlfriends, laughter, food, and wine will cure most any heartbreak, yet returning home to empty dog beads and food and water bowls untouched was overwhelming. And having left Mr. E’ville alone in our quiet home I worried for his heart, too. But he needed his space to mourn in his own way. He did copious amounts of yard work, basement chores, and office work occupying his mind and heart until I returned home. It was then we began our true empty nesting journey.

A few weeks have passed and Mr. E’ville and I have had our mournful time sans Emmy and are somewhat adjusted. I say somewhat because, as those of you who have walked this path before me, you know how just a slight and even unrelated trigger can cause me to well up and slide back to a puddle on the floor as if she just passed yesterday. Saying goodbye to our animals is not simple, it takes time, and I honor her memory as I cherish every day she gave me her unconditional love.  And soon our babies, who are no longer babies, will return home next week for Thanksgiving and navigate their own emotions as they will.

I am caught off guard with glimpses of her passing by as I move through the house, a reddish-brown blur to my right. Is she searching her food bowl for a treat, digging up one of her many beds, or simply checking in on me, her ever present daily companion? No matter her mission, I feel her presence still and am comforted by and grateful for my lost love’s love.

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“Our time with them is never enough.” – Thoughts Of An E’ville Woman

 

17 comments

    • I don’t know if it gets easier, I think I’m simply adapting better. Their presence is huge and only when they’re gone do we realize how our habits are entertwined. So sorry about your pusspuss. I miss mine who passed away a year ago….those feline personalities are something else!

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  1. Denny, I’m so sorry for you. To be honest, I never really understood the depth of this love that people have for their fur babies …. until I got my own. They wrap themselves inextricably into our lives and I can feel the emptiness you are now feeling.
    You have an abundance of great memories to carry with you. I hope that they gradually start to lessen that pain 💕

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    • Thanks Dan, you’re correct, there are no words, but they do help. And writing about her (finally) and always remembering her gentle love keeps her alive in my heart. Time does help and one day, who knows, just maybe I can open my heart again.

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  2. Ahhh, I wasn’t aware. ❤ ❤ ❤ Much love to you and yours. You had quite a chunk of time together, considering how long dogs live, and made unforgettable memories. You say it well how you feel her still with you and always will be.

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    • Thanks Manja. Yes, seventeen years is a great chunk of time to share with our puppy and how lucky we are to have her for this long period of almost completely healthy time! My husband teeters on the edge of wanting another but I just cannot do this, not now. The energy just doesn’t feel right.

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    • I’ve wanted nothing more than to pull my wagons close and retreat. I look forward to this time together, and thank you for sharing your feelings. I cannot imagine letting in another dog, but sounds as though you did and it felt right?

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  3. Lovely post. When my Tomcat passed after 17 1/2 years with me it broke my heart, and I said that’s it I’ll never have another cat, 6 months later a mother cat arrived in my garden with her kitten, so I now have 2 more cats. Although I’ll never forget my Tomcat these two helped soften the blow.

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    • It was just a year before this we had to say goodbye to our cat, Gabbi, and this broke me terribly. How lucky for you this new mother cat ‘found’ you and ‘brought’ to you just what you needed…you didn’t have to do anything except open your heart and your door. I’d do the same I know as I swear I’ll never have another!!! Thanks for sharing this with me.

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